I originally asked to review the T-Rex but quickly changed my mind because the lip of the head on that beast made me drier than the Sahara on a good day (whatever that means but you know what I mean). Instead, I asked for the Luke, which is awesome and has bigger balls than the T-Rex (it’s why dinosaurs went extinct, I think). I like balls. BALLS!

I got the Luke in its generic Tantus packaging, which is basically Tantus logo with necessary information about the toy, all on a clear plastic box. I pulled it out of the packaging and noticed right away how soft the Luke is. It’s squishy and smooth and the shaft is flexible. The balls also have a little bit of a swing to them when I test thrust the toy in my hand.

The Luke is six inches long and the shaft is a full two inches wide. God, I love girth. I do. It’s awesome. My vagina needs and craves girthy fuckers. Wow, I just said that. I know you’re shocked and awed by my little confession (whatevs).

I didn’t just start with this toy. It’d been a while since I had me some self-lovin’, so I started with the G-Twist vibe, a smaller toy, and graduated to the Luke. Its flexibile rigidity made me feel like I was fucking a real dick. Not all of them are the hard poles of love that never have any bend to them. It’s a straight shaft, no curve, but it’s heavy and that made the thrusting all the more fun. The slap-slap-slap of the balls on my perineum made it really hot and by the end of my first session, even the balls were wet.

Oh, I need to mention the head on this thing. It’s ridged at the lip, which I can feel while fucking myself with it and if I angle just right, I can stroke my g-spot with it. And still get the balls slapping on my taint. Delicious delirium.

What I love most about the Luke is the fact that it is part of Tantus’ O2 line. It’s a dual density core, rigid on the inside, flexible and soft outside of that core.

Since this is a silicone toy, it can be sanitized by boiling for a few minutes, a cycle in the dishwasher (no heat dry), toy cleaner or water and antimicrobial soap.

I should also note that this toy is harnessable but I have yet to use it in a harness because I don’t have a submissive who can take that girth… yet…

I can now usually use this dildo without a warm-up with smaller toys and that makes me feel like the king of the world.

The Luke comes in two colors at Babeland, vanilla and caramel. Mine is vanilla. Heh.

Thank you, Babeland, for giving me this awesome little beast for review.

If you liked this, you might also enjoy these posts:

1. Review: First Mate Silicone Dildo
2. Review: Good Girls Don’t
3. Review: Hidden Treasure Vibe

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Post tags: Babeland, BALLS, dildo, silicone, Tantus

Seriously. It’s there. I don’t even know what to say, except I originally posted the photo to my facebook, tagged Sugar Cunt and had a field day. Seriously. But it was more vanilla than it usually is on teh twitterz (shocking, I know… PENIS).

The image:

Basically, semen is bad for the dorm shower drains. College boys should not jizz in the showers. Consequence: higher education costs. Notice how no one says anything about squirters…

Now, on Facebook, Sugar Cunt and I were tossing back hilarity and then our friends joined in and it was more awesome. Like the second coming of Jesus awesome. Haha, I said Jesus was coming… This was amazing. And too funny. Then I showed the photo to my friend, Professor Jizz, and his brother. The Professor took it seriously. We were taken aback. It’s a joke, we knew it… Yet, he didn’t and it made for good times.

He actually whipped out his cell phone and ran a google search on “semen viscosity” or whatever search term he used.

Dude was so serious he was surrus.

Then we ensued with hilarity, wherein he stated that semen did not have the viscosity to clog a shower drain. So I fired back with “What if it’s thick ejaculate?!” and his brother went off the deep end. Seriously. The boy was almost falling in his seat since he was laughing so hard. I cried, he cried, we cried together, just not in each other’s arms, natch.

Then I made terrible jizz jokes. Like, “oh, there’s gooey cheese on your pizza, NATCH”, “What’s up, jizz is good for your drains”, “Natty bo jizz, hi-ya!”, “Holy shit, the Professor is serious about the jizz!” and so on. It was like a never-ending roller coaster of jizz jokes and it was all we could do to hold on to the handles or die from laughter.

And we couldn’t eat the damn pizza for the laughter. At one point, I was all “I HAVE TO STOP LAUGHING OR ELSE I CAN’T EAT MY JIZZA!” I said “jizza”. I made up a new term. I win at life. It just got progressively worse from there… And then the waiter heard us talking about the viscosity of semen. I’m not confident the guy knew what viscosity means, but he knew what semen is, oh yes he did! And he had a secret smile on his face.

Can you believe that this 2-hour-long dinner conversation was over a photo? I can. These are my friends, IN REAL LIFE. I love my friends.

What do you think? Is the argument valid? What if it’s thick jizz? Watery jizz? We need a jizz physicist–a Jizzicist! WE NEED ANSWERS!

No related posts.

© insanehussein for , 2012. | Permalink | 6 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Hilarity with friends, Semen Viscosity, These are my friends

So it is with great regret and sadness that I burn the Lelo Sensua Whip aka flogger in motherfucking effigy. This is the worst whip I’ve ever tried, and there have been quite a few. The Sensua whip is made of a cutesy plastic handle that is a translucent red. Like blood meets water red color. Whatever. The tongues of the whip are made of suede and are maybe seven inches long. Now I love suede. I do not love this suede. I do not even like this suede.

It’s total crap. Leaves debris all over the fucking place. On the bedsheets, on my arms, on my clothes, on my fucking bedside table. Even after I attempted to clean them off with a damp cloth, individually. Ugh.

And let’s not forget the experience I’ve had using this. I like that my whips, floggers and other pain-inflicting devices actually deliver pain. If I’m gonna use it, it better deliver. This did not even come close–it was like a flick. No actual pain and I think it’s because the flog’s tongues are soft suede.

On another note, my good friend and Prime-Bitch-in-Crime, Domina Vontana, says that she likes it but that perhaps I’m too advanced for this cute flogger. She also thinks it would be good for bedroom kinksters.

Even more of a fail than the Picobong Kiki. This is my disappointed face:

If you liked this, you might also enjoy these posts:

1. Review: Pink Butterfly Crop
2. Review: Pink Metal Handcuffs

© insanehussein for , 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: BDSM, Fun Wares, GIANT FAIL, LELO

I got the book, and um, that’s when things started going downhill. I started by reading the FAQ PDF. OMG MY RETINAS HAVE BEEN BURNED I NEED SILVADINE!!! That being said, I… had more than a bit of fun reading this monstrosity of chauvinist blowjob views….

Jack Hutson co-wrote this book with Tanya J, some porn star I’ve never heard of (who I think is his alter-ego, but let’s not get into that right now) and have no desire to Google. You can buy this book for a steep price of $40-something dollars. Whatevs.

As I started to read this FAQ, I noticed I became alternately hot and cold, boldly reading on and feeling my eyes bug out like a garish cartoon’s would. This FAQ is totes ridics. I mean, it is so full of OMGWTFBBQ NONONONONO that Icontinued to read because I thought, for sure, there would be something that would show this is just a tasteless joke. But NO! It’s for serious. This dude is straight up, jack-assed serious about his “advice” to “girls”.

And that’s another thing that got me, he never referred to females as women. Only as girls. Chauvinist. Dog. In. A. Manger. We aren’t girls. We’re women. We are adult females so address us as women.

Now onto the contents of the book… Geez I hope you haven’t eaten anything because this is epic WTFuckery.

As I stated before, I started my foray into Jack’s advice world by reading the FAQ first. This was an apparently hilariously bad idea. Here are some key quotes:

No related posts.

© insanehussein for , 2012. | Permalink | 13 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Blowjob, DICK IN YO EAR, Jack says you should try anal, Penis, STDs, Stupid Male, Ugh, WTF No

Then there was Stiefvater’s “reviews should be academic essays” Ranty McRant.

But I think the worst of 2012, so far, is this nifty thing I received in my inbox, from another reviewer. This reviewer was contacted by the author, requesting a review of her debut paranormal novel. The author asked the reviewer to email her back with an agreement and a review contract. Yes, I shit you not. A motherfucking contract, for a review, between the reviewer and the author/publisher. Additionally, the author requested that the reviewer EMAIL HER BACK IF SHE COULDN’T REVIEW IT. WHATTT!

This is the actual contract. I’ve omitted the names of the author and publisher but that’s only because I’ve never heard of either, nor do I want to, after this.

Unfortunately, I can’t wrap my mind around the WTFuckery that comes out of this. This author and/or publisher actually thinks that they would OWN the rights to the review? That they can distribute it anywhere, in any format? Have they lost their ever-loving minds?

Then they declare that the review must be unbiased? The author emailed that reviewer with this, without perhaps fully comprehending that a review is biased to their reviewers likes and dislikes?

This is beyond anything I have seen yet. And I’ve seen a lot.

So, here is my response to this ridiculousness:

BUSTED!

IMMA CHOKE A BITCH

JABBA KITTY

I CAN HAZ YOUR BLOOD

IT DOESN'T MATTER–YOU BROKE THE RULES

AND THEN I JACKED OFF TO JAMES DEEN

***UPDATE***

So I have decided to out the author and the publisher, because I can. Fuck it. And fuck this shit.

Author: Uzuri Wilkerson

Publisher: Aziza Publishing

Here is the original copy of the contract. Seriously. What the fuck?

Original Contract–names not omitted.

I assume that the publisher decided that the contract would be a good idea and the author went with it. But let me be clear: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, A THOUSAND TIMES, NO!!!

I can’t even imagine why the author agreed to the damn thing. Let me ask you, Ms. Wilkerson, why you would send a contract to reviewers mandating that they freely give you their copyrights to THEIR material? Yanno, the material THEY thought about, worked on, edited and published in a review? REALLY?

And, let me continue my own Ranty McRant (OMG I’m like one of those Ranty McRant authors above, but without that reviewers should have an unbiased opinion bullshit) and start in on the publisher. Publishers should NEVER EVER agree to that kind of a contract. Hello, we are reviewers, we are not the authors you sign to publish their works. We pay for our own webhosting, design templates, do our own promo, have our own followings. NOT YOU. Also, you seem to be a vanity/boutique publishing house, from what I could gather from your “about” page. Whatever, I don’t care and I’ll never request or accept a review request from you.

And now, moar James Deen!

MOAR James Deen!

The End. I need to finish eating dinner, shower and head to the Dungeon for some playtime. Have fun, boys and girls!

If you liked this, you might also enjoy these posts:

1. Why Authors Should Submit Their Reviews by Sascha Illyvich
2. Book Review AND Contest: Crossroads Shadowland by Keta Diablo
3. Book Review: Lois Lane Tells All by Karen Hawkins :)

© insanehussein for , 2012. | Permalink | 66 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Author Fail, O RLY

Courtesy of the bedroom blogger

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow the RSS Feed and Twitter for updates.

Did you miss Pleasurists 164? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists 166? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday January 29th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

*Pleasurists just started accepting photo submissions for the art at the top of editions! For more information click here.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Win an Icicles No. 8 Glass Toy! Deadline: January 27th.
• Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway! Deadline: February 1st @ 11:59pm Eastern.
• Dildo Giveaway! Deadline: February 1st.
• Eden Fantasys $25 Giveaway! Deadline: February 2nd.
• Giveaway Contest – The Heeldo Deadline: February 2nd.
• FunWares Valentine’s Giveaway Deadline: February 4th.
• Anniversary Giveaway Deadline: February 6th @ 12:01am Eastern.
• Heart Wand Glass Dildo Giveaway Deadline: February 8th.
• Love is in the Air! Deadline: February 15th.

Looking for sexy posts rather than reviews?

Check out e[lust] #32

Editor

Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews:

Vibrators

• Luv Your Body by Mistress Kay
• Tantus Flex by Bzzingbee
• Janine’s Hidden Pleasure by Naughty Snow White
• Silky Vibrations Tingle Me by Sassy
• Duo Obsessions Entice by Mistress Kay
• JimmyJane Form 4 by Mistress Kay
• JimmyJane Form 3 by Dangerous Lilly
• Toyfriend Bossy by Beanfiddler
• Obsession Bullet by ScarlettSeraph
• PicoBong Kiki by Feathers
• Leaf Fresh by Midnight Boudoir
• Couture Collection Inspire by Karen Blue
• Bgee Deluxe by Alan & Michele
• Hearts Wand by Belle
• Onye Gallerie Petite Floral by Midnight Boudoir

Dildos

• Fun Factory Share by Pixel
• Original Accommodator by Naughty Snow White
• Crystal Delights Crystal Twist by Epiphora
• Icicles #8 by Belle
• NobEssence Seduction by Kira

Anal Toys

• Rocks Off Rude Boy by Ruffled Sheets
• Fun Factory Bloomy by Ruffled Sheets
• Sinclair Institute Onyx by Jack

Sleeves, Rings, & etc.

• Fleshlight Blade by the bedroom blogger
• LELO Oden by Sada K.
• Tenga 3D Spiral by Sada K.
• Hand Solo by Alan & Michele
• Real Feel Vibrating Penis Enhancer by Evil Poptart

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Boob Lube by Karen Blue
• Kama Sutra Sweet Heart Strawberry Box by Naughty Snow White

BDSM/Fetish

• Tantric Satin Ties Pleasure Whip by Willow Wand
• Padded Easy Eyes Leather Blindfold by Willow Wand
• FlogMeBaby.com Enforcer Flogger by BloodHound

Adult Books/Games

• Best Sex Writing 2012 by Karen Blue
• Yes, Ma’am by BashfulBabe
• Sweet Confessions Erotica by Alan & Michele
• Black Lace Quickies 6 by BashfulBabe
• One Night Only by Karen Blue

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Asa Akira Is Insatiable 2 by Ginger Leigh
• Buck Angel’s Sexing The Transman XXX by J.D. Bauchery and Ginger Leigh
• Masquerade by Ginger Leigh
• This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX by J.D. Bauchery
• P.O.V. Punx 5 by Ginger Leigh
• NoFauxxx.com by Willow Wand
• Bobbi Starr’s Shut Up and Fuck by Bzzingbee

Lingerie

• Baby Blue Blossom Corset by Sassy

Miscellaneous

• Phallic Fulfiller Attachment by LadyToyBox
• Nipple Charms by buzzvibe
• Private Silicone Packer by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• RodeoH Harness by Belle
• Trustex Multiflavored Condoms by True Pleasures
• Sportsheets Vibrating Velvet Harness by Insane Hussein

If you liked this, you might also enjoy these posts:

1. Pleasurists Edition 146
2. Pleasurists Edition 148
3. Pleasurists Celebrates 100th Edition with a Contest!!

© insanehussein for , 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Pleasurists

I got a black First Mate, because I wanted a black dildo. However, it is also available in the vanilla (light), caramel (tan) and coffee (dark brown) colors.

Like the Captain dildo, this one is silicone, beautiful and long, with realistic veining and a ridged tip. The entire length of the First Mate is 8 inches, 7.5 of which is insertable. It also has a flared base and is a tad bit slimmer and tapers off toward the tip from 1.75 inches at the base to 1.5 inches at the tip (the Captain is 1.875 inches from base to tip). The flared base is good for those who want to use this dildo for strapon play or for anal play.

The shaft’s tip is good for g-spotting, especially since this toy is rigid yet flexible and is easy to aim to my g-spot. It took me a couple tries to get a g-spot orgasm out of it, but I did and once I figured out the angle, I went to town.

The First Mate is also waterproof so I can use it in the shower or the bath. It can be cleaned with a sex toy cleaner, soap and water, a few minutes in boiling water or through a cycle on the top rack of the dishwasher (no heated dry cycle). This is awesome. I love putting my dildos through the dishwasher because I am lazy and they all get done at once. Make sure you store this dildo so that it does not touch other silicone toys (I put my silicone toys in their own Ziploc baggies).

My vagina is in love with this toy. It agrees and I’ve basically run out of my favorite lube because I just kept going back to the First Mate for lots of solo play. I did not spot test this toy with silicone-based lube–rather, I used only water-based lube since it is safest for the silicone material.

On another note, this toy was created by Good Vibes, and I think they’ve done a terrific job!

Thank you, Good Vibes, for sending me the First Mate for review!

If you liked this, you might also enjoy these posts:

1. Review: The Captain Silicone Dildo
2. Review: Pink Silicone Lube
3. REVIEW: Blue Venus Vibe

© insanehussein for , 2012. | Permalink | No comment | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: dildo, Good Vibes, silicone

Now, I was expecting an all-black harness, but instead got a purple one. Woo, it is purple (on the front part of the harness). And the packaging is appealing. But that’s about it for this harness.

As I stated earlier, the only part of the harness that is purple is the front-facing part. It’s pretty, it’s velvet and it’s cushioned, so when you bang away, chances for discomfort from the strength of the thrusts is minimized for both you and your partner.

This harness comes with a bullet vibe (with batteries) that is insertable into a pocket in the front of the harness for clitoral stimulation. The vibe uses three watch batteries, but the vibe was somewhat strong. Put it in the harness and the vibe is practically useless for me because the vibration is muffled by the harness’s cushion.

Another thing I found to be really annoying with the bullet was the fact that it did not need to be put together to be on. I opened the vibe and removed the white paper that was coiled around the inside of the bullet and put in one of the watch batteries and when I pushed the battery down, the bullet began to vibrate. So I added the second and third batteries and it was on anyway. When I screwed the cap on the bullet and clicked the button to turn it off (BECAUSE IT WAS ON) it wouldn’t turn off. When I reinserted the white paper back into the bullet, it works as it should–the button on the end of the vibe controls the power on/off.

In addition, the waist and leg straps are scratchy. They’re nylon straps similar to straps on backpacks (think JanSport) and when I move in them, the edges of the straps chafe my skin, leaving them feeling raw, scratchy and red. The leg straps also do not stay in place. They drag down and stay that way, unless I hitch them up, only to have them fall again. The straps are all adjustable, with the waist strap adjustable up to a 60-inch waist.

As you can see from the following photo, the straps go around the legs and waist. I basically step into them and adjust the straps on either side of my waist and on each leg. Unfortunately, the straps hang down and when I thrust, they slap against the backs (from leg straps) and sides (from waist straps) of my legs. This is extremely annoying and itchy. I keep wanting to stop to scratch the itch.

 Now, the O-rings. This harness comes with three latex O-rings, which means that they are flexible and can stretch. They are different sizes, at 1.5 inches, 1.75 inches, and 2 inches. When I put the dildo into the O-ring, I noticed that the ring actually pulls along on the dildo, which makes it harder to put on and secure the rings. In addition, once the ring is on, I then have to secure it to the four nylon snap straps on the front of the harness. The snaps are backward, meaning I have to loop the nylon snap onto the O-ring from the front and under to the snap to secure it. These snaps are similar to the snaps you’d see on western shirts.

That’s really annoying and means I have to stretch the O-ring to make sure that I get nylon snap strap through the ring and between the ring and the dildo. I also have to make sure that the dildo doesn’t get scratched with the edges of the strap.

This harness is easy to clean. After removing the O-ring and the dildo and bullet vibrator, just pop it into the washing machine for a cycle. I let the harness air dry on a hanger. The bullet vibe can be washed with a sex toy cleaner.

I essentially gave up on this harness. It’s pretty, but I’d rather use it on the Tyler Hope Bear to showcase strapon dildos and such.

Thank you, Good Vibes, for sending me this harness.

And here are some more pictures of BDSM Tyler Hope Bear and the harness:

If you liked this, you might also enjoy these posts:

1. Review: Vibrating Pleasure Panties
2. His and Her Review: Picobong Koa
3. Review: Sparkle Vibe

© insanehussein for , 2012. | Permalink | 11 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: BDSM, BDSM Tyler Hope Bear, Good Vibes, Strapon

The Candy Stick came in a white box with some hot pink action going on, on the sides, with a paper wrap that you have to slide off to get to the box. The wrap has a hot pink curlicue and on its back, an image of the vibrator, the logo and some other information about the toy. Inside the box, it has the Candy Stick, a black silk drawstring storage bag and an instruction pamphlet.

Now, I’ve got to say, I did spend some quality time with my Candy Stick. It’s super nifty and so cool-looking. The toy is pthalates free and is made of 100% medical grade silicone, with a firm core. Though it is slightly squishy, its only true flexible part is the tip, where it bends in any direction. It is 10 inches, total (that would include the handle), which makes about 6.5 inches insertable. It also has a very nice girth of 1.75 inches. It also takes two AA batteries, which were not included with the toy.

This awesome beast is also waterproof, which means you can use it in the shower and in the bath, as it is fully submersible. Yes, you can dunk it in the bath and have fun.

The handle, or base, is also one of my favorite features of this toy because you can actually GRIP IT. It is not smooth and slippery but is, in fact, the same texture as the shaft–again, that silicone awesomeness. This means that I can use all the water-based lube I want and still be able to have a firm grip on this toy. This is truly magnificent.

Please note, that since this is a silicone toy, you should only use water-based lubricants, as silicone-based lubricants will degrade the toy.

It is separated from the shaft by a purple o-ring, which ensures that the internal motor stays waterproof. It is easy to open, with a couple twists, like a bottle cap and the battery compartment is removable, which means that you don’t have to bend your fingers every which way, breaking some nails, while you try to get the batteries in. You can pop it out, insert the batteries, put the compartment back in the handle and twist it shut. Easy peasy.

Cleaning the Candy Stick is fairly easy, as it is non-porous, so you can clean and disinfect it with soap and water or a sex toy cleaner. As you should be aware, most vibrators cannot be sterilized via boiling or a run through the dishwasher. However, I have this amazing gem to share with you!! I asked if the Candy Stick could be sterilized and I got this response: 

YES! It can be boiled and run through the dishwasher on the top rack, but you must remove the batteries (and the battery compartment). In addition, I would caution that if you do, in fact, run it through the dishwasher, do not use the heat dry cycle.

Is that not awesome?! Woo, Papaya Toys is now on my I-love-this-company list!

But, let’s not forget the vibrations of this magnificent Stick. It has three distinct vibration settings: buzz, medium-high pulse and a a staccato long-short-short-short pulse. These settings are also variable due to the fact that you can increase and decrease their strength. It is also quiet, like a whisper. Do you understand how much I love this, really? Because I so do. The control buttons look like a little bowtie on the end of the handle and they are soft and respond easily to the touch. You can also turn the toy off with a simple click of the button. But you can also turn it back on and it will return to the vibe setting you had when you turned it off. Hello, amazingness.

The Candy Stick is wonderfully filling and satisfying and makes my vagina happy. Because it’s quiet, I can basically lock my door and fuck myself for an hour or two or however many I want without worrying if someone will hear some kind of mechanical buzz. I only have to think about my own noise-making during masturbation sessions.

Papaya Toys know what they’re doing and I can’t wait to see what else they’re going to create to impress. Thanks so much!

If you liked this, you might also enjoy these posts:

1. Review: Sparkle Vibe
2. Review: Hidden Treasure Vibe
3. Review: Evolved Novelties Desire

© insanehussein for , 2012. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Papaya Toys, silicone, Vibrator

Picobong is a new line of toys from LELO, a luxury sex toy manufacturer. I think their main purpose was to create a new, less expensive, high quality line of sex toys for their customers. Well, they certainly are less expensive. But the Kiki is anything but high quality… Instead, the Kiki was highly disappointing. It’s supposed to be a vibrating clitoral stimulator. It has a nice design, the color is like a Cerulean blue (bright) and it is quiet. However, the vibes are not even strong enough for my clitoris. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a fail.

The control buttons are hidden in the P and B of the engraved logo on the side (lengthwise) of the toy. (If you click on the image of the Kiki, it will bring up a larger image, so you can see for yourself.) The – in the P controls the lessening of the intensity, all the way to off. Conversely, the + in the B controls the increasing of the intensity to the maximum, which wasn’t much. However, I noticed that I had to hold down the buttons to actually change the intensity of the vibe and turn it off. It also has 12 different vibration modes, beyond the intensity. Um, I didn’t really feel those either.

It does come with a manual, if you need to read directions. Just sayin’.

I liked the packaging, simple and the same color as the vibe. It was cute. A die was also visible through the clear plastic window on the box, right under the Kiki. This die was black with pink images of the different toys in the Picobong line.¹ It’s ok, I didn’t know what the die was for, except maybe as a (somewhat) cute little diversion from life.

So, I took the Kiki out of the package, cleaned it and inserted a brand new AAA battery I had lying around² , turned it on and put it on my clit. Then I went all prima donna because I couldn’t really feel anything. I was all “where is the mojo goddammit?!?!” and “GIMME SOME MOTHERFUCKING LOVE OR I WILL CUT YOU LIKE A BITCH”. Yea, I was super angry that it wasn’t doing much for my clitoris. Maybe my clitoris is discerning. Yea, that’s it. Can you visualize my eyes rolling, because I sure as hell can, and did.

The Kiki is also waterproof, but I didn’t use it beyond on my back, on my bed, after a couple tries. It just wasn’t worth it. I didn’t even inset it “vaginally for vibration around the sensitive vaginal opening”.³ This made me a bit sad. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so pissy about it if I had had sangria. Or maybe I’d have been more pissy. heh.

This toy was easy to clean because it is made of silicone, with an ABS base (which is also the part you screw off to insert the battery). I cleaned it with antibacterial soap and water and toy cleaner, letting it air dry.

And on to my favorite portion: The C-Spot. Now, apparently the C-Spot is supposed to be some mystical, magical thing also known as the clitoris. C-L-I-T-O-R-I-S. Y’all, Sugar Cunt blogged about the Kiki, as well, and said that her vagina is not a Dalmatian. I kid you not. HOWEVER, I decided to be a smart ass and took a standing mirror, squatted and checked out my vulva. I even pulled back my clit hood and discovered I HAVE A FRECKLE ON MY CLITORIS. This means that my vulva is a Dalmatian. Or something like that. Holy shit, I need Freckle Juice!⁴

The Picobong Kiki was a nice idea, but it fell far, far from the usual high caliber of awesome one expects of LELO.

1. I checked this out just to be more thorough, FOR YOU.
2. Of which I have many, duh.
3. From the Kiki’s page
4. If you don’t know what Freckle Juice is, you should read it. It’s by Judy Blume and AWESOME

If you liked this, you might also enjoy these posts:

1. His and Her Review: Picobong Koa
2. Review: Blossom Organics Pure Pleasure Arousal Gel
3. REVIEW: C-Spot Vibe

© insanehussein for , 2011. | Permalink | 2 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: Babeland, C-Spot, Picobong, WTF No