Ok, so I have a problem. It involves my friend, whom I am dubbing Professor Jizz Tong. He knows who he is. And it is about an image I found on teh interwebz about the University of Massachusetts and their simpleton need to post notices in dorms about how masturbation in the showers is against university rules. Or whatevs.
Seriously. It’s there. I don’t even know what to say, except I originally posted the photo to my facebook, tagged Sugar Cunt and had a field day. Seriously. But it was more vanilla than it usually is on teh twitterz (shocking, I know… PENIS).
Basically, semen is bad for the dorm shower drains. College boys should not jizz in the showers. Consequence: higher education costs. Notice how no one says anything about squirters…
Now, on Facebook, Sugar Cunt and I were tossing back hilarity and then our friends joined in and it was more awesome. Like the second coming of Jesus awesome. Haha, I said Jesus was coming… This was amazing. And too funny. Then I showed the photo to my friend, Professor Jizz, and his brother. The Professor took it seriously. We were taken aback. It’s a joke, we knew it… Yet, he didn’t and it made for good times.
He actually whipped out his cell phone and ran a google search on “semen viscosity” or whatever search term he used.
Dude was so serious he was surrus.
Then we ensued with hilarity, wherein he stated that semen did not have the viscosity to clog a shower drain. So I fired back with “What if it’s thick ejaculate?!” and his brother went off the deep end. Seriously. The boy was almost falling in his seat since he was laughing so hard. I cried, he cried, we cried together, just not in each other’s arms, natch.
Then I made terrible jizz jokes. Like, “oh, there’s gooey cheese on your pizza, NATCH”, “What’s up, jizz is good for your drains”, “Natty bo jizz, hi-ya!”, “Holy shit, the Professor is serious about the jizz!” and so on. It was like a never-ending roller coaster of jizz jokes and it was all we could do to hold on to the handles or die from laughter.
And we couldn’t eat the damn pizza for the laughter. At one point, I was all “I HAVE TO STOP LAUGHING OR ELSE I CAN’T EAT MY JIZZA!” I said “jizza”. I made up a new term. I win at life. It just got progressively worse from there… And then the waiter heard us talking about the viscosity of semen. I’m not confident the guy knew what viscosity means, but he knew what semen is, oh yes he did! And he had a secret smile on his face.
Can you believe that this 2-hour-long dinner conversation was over a photo? I can. These are my friends, IN REAL LIFE. I love my friends.
What do you think? Is the argument valid? What if it’s thick jizz? Watery jizz? We need a jizz physicist–a Jizzicist! WE NEED ANSWERS!