When I contacted Fun Wares a while ago and was all “yo I wanna review more hot shit,” they were all “OMFG YEAAAAA BABY!” Ok, not exactly but you get my drift, right? That I need more toys that go vroom, thrust and jiggle in my vagina? That I need more instruments of sensual torture to make myself happy that I’m administering pain, lovingly, to myself and my partner? Yes? I knew you would!
So it is with great regret and sadness that I burn the Lelo Sensua Whip aka flogger in motherfucking effigy. This is the worst whip I’ve ever tried, and there have been quite a few. The Sensua whip is made of a cutesy plastic handle that is a translucent red. Like blood meets water red color. Whatever. The tongues of the whip are made of suede and are maybe seven inches long. Now I love suede. I do not love this suede. I do not even like this suede.
It’s total crap. Leaves debris all over the fucking place. On the bedsheets, on my arms, on my clothes, on my fucking bedside table. Even after I attempted to clean them off with a damp cloth, individually. Ugh.
And let’s not forget the experience I’ve had using this. I like that my whips, floggers and other pain-inflicting devices actually deliver pain. If I’m gonna use it, it better deliver. This did not even come close–it was like a flick. No actual pain and I think it’s because the flog’s tongues are soft suede.
On another note, my good friend and Prime-Bitch-in-Crime, Domina Vontana, says that she likes it but that perhaps I’m too advanced for this cute flogger. She also thinks it would be good for bedroom kinksters.
Even more of a fail than the Picobong Kiki. This is my disappointed face: