What with all the WTFuckery happening in the World Wide Web, including the Goodreads thread debacle, the hairy business of one Julie Halpern (Ranty McRant with comments and the additional Ranty McRant Rants).
Then there was Stiefvater’s “reviews should be academic essays” Ranty McRant.
But I think the worst of 2012, so far, is this nifty thing I received in my inbox, from another reviewer. This reviewer was contacted by the author, requesting a review of her debut paranormal novel. The author asked the reviewer to email her back with an agreement and a review contract. Yes, I shit you not. A motherfucking contract, for a review, between the reviewer and the author/publisher. Additionally, the author requested that the reviewer EMAIL HER BACK IF SHE COULDN’T REVIEW IT. WHATTT!
This is the actual contract. I’ve omitted the names of the author and publisher but that’s only because I’ve never heard of either, nor do I want to, after this.
Unfortunately, I can’t wrap my mind around the WTFuckery that comes out of this. This author and/or publisher actually thinks that they would OWN the rights to the review? That they can distribute it anywhere, in any format? Have they lost their ever-loving minds?
Then they declare that the review must be unbiased? The author emailed that reviewer with this, without perhaps fully comprehending that a review is biased to their reviewers likes and dislikes?
This is beyond anything I have seen yet. And I’ve seen a lot.
So, here is my response to this ridiculousness:
AND THEN I JACKED OFF TO JAMES DEEN
So I have decided to out the author and the publisher, because I can. Fuck it. And fuck this shit.
Author: Uzuri Wilkerson
Publisher: Aziza Publishing
Here is the original copy of the contract. Seriously. What the fuck?
I assume that the publisher decided that the contract would be a good idea and the author went with it. But let me be clear: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO, A THOUSAND TIMES, NO!!!
I can’t even imagine why the author agreed to the damn thing. Let me ask you, Ms. Wilkerson, why you would send a contract to reviewers mandating that they freely give you their copyrights to THEIR material? Yanno, the material THEY thought about, worked on, edited and published in a review? REALLY?
And, let me continue my own Ranty McRant (OMG I’m like one of those Ranty McRant authors above, but without that reviewers should have an unbiased opinion bullshit) and start in on the publisher. Publishers should NEVER EVER agree to that kind of a contract. Hello, we are reviewers, we are not the authors you sign to publish their works. We pay for our own webhosting, design templates, do our own promo, have our own followings. NOT YOU. Also, you seem to be a vanity/boutique publishing house, from what I could gather from your “about” page. Whatever, I don’t care and I’ll never request or accept a review request from you.
And now, moar James Deen!
The End. I need to finish eating dinner, shower and head to the Dungeon for some playtime. Have fun, boys and girls!