Guest Post: The Genesis of Mayhem by Keith Melton

Posted November 14, 2011 by Insane Hussein in Guest Post / 8 Comments

Oh, it had to happen. You know it did!

So, Keith Melton has finally come to the Insane Hussein online cave. Yep, he did. Not only that, but he explains his ridiculously awesome group of mercenaries that struggle through mayhem, chaos, bankruptcy avoidance, cussing, and, oddly, a health-nut werewolf. I know, right?!

First, however, let’s clear something up…

A long time ago, I dared Keith to put a photo of himself on the interwebs. He did. Behold:

And then, I revealed his TRUE FORM:


As per @demonbunneh’s instructions, Keith is even exploring the possibility of a demon bunneh in the next install– *shoves J rudely aside*

Excuse me, but my instructions were to include a demon bunneh, named Nicholas (of course), in the next installment! *twirls tail deviously*

Keith, like myself, is an awesome guy. He even is awed and jealous of this demon bunneh’s status. See?

(See the actual tweet here)

Obviously, the man has good taste, yes indeed he does! *twirls tail deviously* Now, hear how he intends to incorporate moi into his next Zero Dogs book! *hops around with demon bunneh cape billowing behind me*

*shoves bunneh out of the way*–So, Keith, take it away!

Ah, the Zero Dogs, a paranormal mercenary team with some…let’s just say some “issues,” and who happen to be the stars of the Urban Fantasy comedy-action-adventure The Zero Dog War. They’re led by Captain Andrea Walker—a pyromancer struggling to keep her troops in (roughly) one piece while achieving mission objectives, starting fires, and warding off bankruptcy. The roster includes plenty of “normal-challenged” individuals. We have a succubus who is shy to the point of sexually repression. There’s a werewolf health-food nut who loves nothing better than getting naked and showing off his body art. A medic/healer who believes he’s a reincarnated ninja. A woman who can summon very cute, very deadly swarms of strange-yet-fuzzy alien creatures.

You get the point. While there might be a gun-obsessed demon on the Zero Dog roster, as of yet there isn’t a demon bunneh—though I have a feeling Nicholas the demon bunneh would fit in perfectly (for those who have no idea what I’m talking about, @demonbunneh runs amok on Twitter, being devious and spreading fear).
Yes, the book The Zero Dog War and forthcoming sequels (and t-shirts—pre-order yours today!) are over-the-top. Exuberantly over the top, perhaps excessively so. I’ll take a few minutes to go into the history of the idea, its genesis, what mind-altering substances I was taking while writing it, and so forth.

I had the idea in early 2009 for a crew of misfits running amok in modern day Portland, Oregon fighting zombies and saving the world. The economy had been hemorrhaging since the 2008 bailouts and we were in a full swing recession. Now, I also write Serious Urban Fantasy with the series Blood Vice/Ghost Soldiers etc, but those books can be, let’s face it, a bit grim. Action-packed and exciting, yeah, but a bit dark. Watching the meltdowns and the struggles of the people around me, I wasn’t in the mood for dark. So I snatched up the idea for trying to make people laugh and ran with it.
Humor, like horror, isn’t easy to write. What one person finds terrifying, another might find banal, tedious, tepid and bland. What one person finds hilarious, another might find abysmally stupid and/or unfunny. However, I’m decently pleased with how the book turned out. Crime and Punishment it ain’t, but it has a frenetic bit of fun.

The Zero Dog crew fights a necromancer who is trying to take over the world by amassing a fortune using zombies as an unpaid workforce/army to work in a powdered gelatin manufacturing plant. So, we have paranormal mercenaries, megalomaniacs, gelatin, and zombies. Also, a love story, lots of explosions, fire, and some martial arts. See? The economic meltdown isn’t so bad when compared to the zombie apocalypse.

After thinking about it, maybe I couldn’t have fit a demon bunneh in there. The book is pretty packed with random chaos as it is.

Oh yeah, and those mind-altering substances?

I was stone sober the entire time.

How scary is that?

Keith Melton



The Zero Dog War
Keith Melton

The first bullet is always free. After that, you gotta pay.
Zero Dog Missions, Book 1

After accidentally blowing up both a client facility and a cushy city contract in the same day, pyromancer and mercenary captain Andrea Walker is scrambling to save her Zero Dogs. A team including (but not limited to) a sexually repressed succubus, a werewolf with a thing for health food, a sarcastic tank driver/aspiring romance novelist, a three-hundred-pound calico cat, and a massive demon who really loves to blow stuff up.
With the bankruptcy vultures circling, Homeland Security throws her a high-paying, short-term contract even the Zero Dogs can’t screw up: destroy a capitalist necromancer bent on dominating the gelatin industry with an all-zombie workforce. The catch? She has to take on Special Forces Captain Jake Sanders, a man who threatens both the existence of the team and Andrea’s deliberate avoidance of romantic entanglements.
As Andrea strains to hold her dysfunctional team together long enough to derail the corporate zombie apocalypse, the prospect of getting her heart run over by a tank tread is the least of her worries. The government never does anything without an ulterior motive. Jake could be the key to success…or just another bad day at the office for the Zeroes.

Product Warnings
Contains explicit language, intense action and violence, rampaging zombie hordes, a heroine with an attitude and flamethrower, Special Forces commandos, ninjas, apocalyptic necromancer capitalist machinations, absurd parody and mayhem, self-deluded humor, irreverence, geek humor, mutant cats, low-brow comedy, and banana-kiwi-flavored gelatin.

You can find The Zero Dog War at: SamhainAmazonBarnes & NobleKoboSony

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Insane Hussein

J is a super-cool female superhero delivering her honest opinions of romance novels, douchenuggetry, sex toys, porn and whatever else she fancies. When not on the blog, she can be found on twitter chatting about whatever random thing occurs to her, might be curled up with a good book, eating chocolate, guzzling--she mean, sipping delicately--wine, watching TV, watching porn or on her back having orgasms. Or a combination thereof. Don't judge, appreciate!

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  • I’m Keith Melton, and I approve this message!

    …just not the awesome bunny rubbing stuff. I thought I deleted that tweet. O_O

  • insanehussein

    Haha, what can I say? Bunneh loves it. He says it’s very manly of you to admit it and to not delete it. Of course, his tail *IS* twirling quite deviously. LOL

  • Man, between the combination of DEMONBUNNEH and Keith Melton’s fearsome art skills this was a great read. I might have to see if I can find Bunneh’s alter ego in Zero Dog War.

  • insanehussein

    LOL! I drew Keith the Brachiosaurus. I’m definitely taking credit for that. 😀

  • Well you certainly should! *nods*

  • insanehussein

    Yes, yes. *nod* also, DEMONBUNNEH says he doesn’t think Keith is as old as he appears in his dinosaurness. His tail is twirling deviously. LOL!

  • @insanehussein – Comment
    I think DEMONBUNNEH is making sure he is obviously included in the next book.

  • Insane Hussein

    @e_bookpushers LOL! He totes is. He says that a demon bunneh can only enhance the Zero Dogs. I’m just here giggling!